well..not really. just trying to update a little. I will keep this account because of the wonderful comments I have on some of my work, from people whom I sorely miss and respect greatly.
I have been horrible about updating, replying, etc. I keep promising to turn over a new leaf, but instead it seems I just get busier. it has not been for nothing though. I have found myself becoming completely immersed in what I love most about life, that being art, and music..and of course Joji. who is very vocal about his demands..and that is mostly "DADDY DADDY DADDYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
so it's already August. I have survived Joji's second birthday. I will post perhaps one more deviation on this account, but on my new one..oh yeah:
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I will be posting all of my new stuff. I dunno.. I might tie up some loose ends for this account, in terms of deviations. we'll see. in the meantime I will leave you with a tune I wrote for my son, it's called "Joji Let's Play!" see you soon!
love,
r
incidentally,
If you would like to purchase prints of my art, I have an account at:imagekind

trying to reaffirm my online time has been a struggle. sorry if it seems like I made a bunch of empty promises way back in...October? Yeesh..time flies. I have not been idle. to the contrary, I have been more busy than ever. I am getting some work together for a show and I am also trying to get turntableconspiracy.com online. I will post a meesage here when I get it closer to completion. It has involved me getting my hands dirty doing some actual reading about how to do web design..something I am NOT cut out to do. I am just too darned chaotic and disorganized for that, but I shant whine anymore. I have too much to do. I will try to get something new up here to fill the dullness out completely. stay warm, stay well. C-U-SOON! :hugs:

kind of like an unearthed mummy. I am all half rotten and stuff. I think I need to change these bandages.

ah..hello. it's nice to be back, but my god these cobwebs! I will be cleaning up my gallery soon. If you fancy anything in it now is a good time to download.
My apologies to anyone who has dropped by and found me absent. To those who have been loyal friends throughout. I thank you. I have been in a tumult of sorts for the past couple of years. The tumult of course is not through, but I have found my way to a bit of driftwood which I can cling to. I realized after a while that I am incapable of doing everything I am asked. I try to be there for my friends, neighbors, strangers I meet..but then I noticed I was not paying attention to my own projects. Things have lapsed, and it was starting to get critical. I let several good opportunities pass to further my art, my writing, and my music. Being a Daddy is also a big job, and I have truly enjoyed it. Joji astounds me and I never grow tired of being with him. I feel sad when I dont get to see him. He is such a great person!

my music has taken some unexpected turns, since it has been one of the few avenues that I can still work on, usually long after everyone has gone to bed, when I am too tired to do anything else. I usually fall asleep mid-composition and wake up with headphone hair and a slobbery keyboard. you can now find my stuff on mog.com/angst4less and myspace.com/angst4less as well as some more at soundclick.com/angst4less for those of you who are interested.
as some of you may know I have been composing a soundtrack for my graphic novel Placebo 99. Which is fairly ambitious if you consider I dont know how to write music, or play an instrument. I use a program called fruity loops. it let's me compose, by ear, the music I hear in my head while I am writing, or painting and/or drawing panels for the graphic novel. Though lately I have really been into altering my compositions, and digitally breaking them, because they sound kind of cheesy to me. so some of it has been getting rather "experiMental" heavy on the mental.

poetry..well I haven't been writing it at all. sorry to those who were expecting a stash of revisions to be posted. I will write some. I do feel inspired to do so, but the words have not, as yet, coalesced. I will say my style has suffered a complete meltdown though. I note when I try to write poems lately, they are less lilty, and fluttery, and more like a cramp between your shoulder blades. I am not sure what has brought this change in vision, but well, I'll let you judge with the first few I post...when it happens. please be patient. I wish there were two of me..I have so many things going on at this moment, but at least they are all my things now.

though..I am still working on that grpahic novel with my friend Kiyan..we have both cooled on the project because other things took priority. with his permission I will post a few example pages here.

art. ah..thought I forgot didn't you? Painting...my style has also changed..and it still seems to be transitioning at the moment. But the direction it's been taking has been catching even me by surprise. I cant wait to get some of my newer paintings finished so I can show them! I'm not saying I'm some sort of innovative guy or anything...no, not at all, I'm just really excited about the way I sort of fell into this way of painting! I dont know how well it will translate in photographs, but in person..well it knocks my socks off..and I wonder how the heck I did that. In the meantime I will be posting some of my photoshop experiments and maybe a couple of wallpapers from Pla©ebo 99.
and finally.
I love you my friends. I thank you everyone who has stopped by my page, faved my work..I really appreciate it. It has been a little difficult working in a bubble. I dont get too much critique on my work, though I daresay that will change. as I finish my work I will be soliciting galleries..finally. I have a body of work now that I can present in several different style markets. The abstract is still my favorite..and it is the most dominant, however, it is now mostly used for establishing the tone of the painting. I find I am covering up some of the tasty bits of texturing ( with much hestitation) that I love so much, so that I can offer a nice stable solid colour to play my composition on. well..you'll see. I wont say I do it every time. I am not into formulas..but I do it sometimes..and sometimes I just go crazy and let it all happen on its own...I love to paint. I will also be posting some sculptures soon....but I am still working on creating the finishes I envision. I have been using found objects and well, basically, garbage to make these. I have been thinking lately about how much we waste as a society. I dont like it.

I will also be posting some tutorials. like how I paint with crayons. (there are some caveats..and I am sorry Maggiekat if you are still on DA..I promised you this tutorial a long time ago). I have been forced to develop some form of cohesion when I do some of my art, simply because I had to demonstrate it for someone, so it made me look at how i do it, and I would like to share. if anyone is interested. I know this is like a novella now..sorry about that. it has been a long time. I have missed you my friends. But I will do my best to be at least a more stable presence online. I do not think I will ever have the time to go deviation hopping for awhile ( if ever..sorry about that) but I will make a lameass attempt at some point..you can be sure.

those of you who have read this far...you are indeed true friends or gluttons for punishment. I hereby sentence you to
thank you for dropping by!

8 lbs 10.5 oz
21 inches head to toe
2:05 PM july 29th 2006

watch out world.

that the hate which taints the beauty of this world should suddenly evolve into a flower of sweetness. that people would stop feasting on the wasteful poisons of greed and consumerism. we are not here to dupe our fellow human being, the only one who gets fooled by that is the one who will later pay karma with interest. make a difference in the world today. give only love and leave sadness and despair for hollywood. I was going to write some vaguely mathematical formula..but hell I thought I'd get all mushy and philosophical instead.

wow. it's already 2006. 2005 was a blur, a strange red and yellow blur. I vaguely remember New Years 2005 as something I was unsure of, but it seems like it all turned out okay for me. I did not spontaneuosly combust and I actually accomplished something I have wanted to do my whole life.... no it wasn't updating my journal..though it seems like that at times. almost herculean. to sit and paste words together. still I'm not gonna write a book..not here at least. I just wanted to emerge from my creative cocoon long enough to wish all my friends..and potential friends a happy new year. and since I really cant provide too much information about Placebo 99 which seems to be eating up my waking and sleeping time with little regard, I thought I would share some of my music with you. I write music when I want to uncramp my brain from formulating plot curves..hah! as if I even know what that means! See I dont "know" how to write, to draw, paint, write music. I truly dont. It's not some lie or semantic play on a concept. I honestly create by the seat of my pants. I "feel", or "intuit" the process at hand and let the medium take over. Often my dreams influence the process, but not always..sometimes it is a random bit of energy that just floats over and guides my hand. so before this gets any longer.

details: composed and created on my computer. no instruments. using Fruity Loops and Acid Pro. I did create some rhythm samples from vlf modulations of lightning on Jupiter, Saturn's rotation..stuff like that. It sounds like static, but when you chop it up it can be a snare..or whatever. Marble is a tragic character in
Placebo 99 but this concept bit was fitted with a new rhythm loop this morning. It sounds more upbeat than I had originally conceived, but meh. I guess it'll work for now. "Topper Riot" is a bit I wrote while thinking about string theory and particle migration and how it might affect world events ( ie the riots in france at the time) I initially imagined a reiteration of a sequence that changes as it migrates and perhaps some of the signal gets deflected into various dimensional phenomenon..WHA?!!..it's okay.. I dont even understand most of the time..I just let my fingers hit the keys at random, but i love making my computer think it's an electric guitar heh heh. Pop Damage is me making fun of myself. I tend to write dramatic little bits..and I worry sometimes that I might start sounding cheesy. I might put a rhythm to it one day if I get enough happy type feedback..but for now..it was a way to resolve my need to compose something that went too far. "always my friend" I tried to send to all my friends before I left for Japan..but dial-up had other ideas..and I ran out of time. so please feel free to try it now. it's a little new-agey I'm told..meh. I wrote it for all of my friends who have been so patient with me..but I composed it as a homage to life who has been my friend since before I was born and whom I love very much. so without further harrassment please feel free to download. I will not be placing most of these in my other music sites..they are exclusive to this journal entry. I might post more as an update later..but for now:

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one of these days I'll actually learn to write music and compose properly. thanks to everyone who actually sits down to listen to my crudely fashioned caveman style. I truly appreciate it. Happy New Year my friends. I hope it is a good one for us all! ®